There, I Said It

I am not going to apologize for it. I struggle with anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety off and on since the babies were born. I went to the Dr and they gave me a prescription for anxiety medication (super easy to get if you have triplets). I didn't feel totally good about taking it yet. I wasn't at the end of my rope, I think there is a quarter of an inch I am hanging to... I decided to look into counseling as a learning method to deal with it. It is not the easy way. I think the easy way for me would be to take the pill and sink into robot mode and get through it. But I want this. I want all of it, even the bad, so I am not going to turn it off. Not yet anyway.

I wanted to know how to calm myself and to identify  triggers before they become a blow up. I want to share with you some of the things I have been taught. I did this because I was looking at medicine as a last solution. If I felt like I was a danger to my family or out of control believe me I would do it, but I want to figure it out first.

When we see a bear, we feel threatened, our adrenal glands kick in and we go into fighting mode. I had been in fighting mode for far too long but I didn't know why. Who was threatening me? No one was holding a gun to my head telling me to do. Why was I threatened? It took a while for me to figure it out. I am threatening myself. Here are the things in my house that threaten me and send me into fighting mode:

When my peace is threatened, for example, when something I am looking forward to is in jeopardy like a nap or being alone for a while, when I have a list a mile long to do, my children threaten that I won't be able to complete it or I just want to be left alone to complete it, when I am worried about something or someone, when I feel sick and I do not recognize it (sometimes I get busy and I don't evaluate how I feel until it is too late, headache or tired stuff). Most of these threats come because I feel driven to accomplish or do things and I become frustrated when I can't get out under a pile of work to do them.

So, when I am in fighting mode, or having anxiety how do I get myself out?

I hold someone. Just having loving contact and being loved for a few minutes has brought me out of it. One rough day, I held James (he is my best baby hugger) and he put his cheek on mine soft skin and a floppy ear brushed my lips as we sat and hugged til I calmed myself down. One day, I let Hazel and CC crawl all over me and have a tickle fight for several minutes, after that it was gone.

I exercise, as a child, my parents kept me exercising because they saw that when I was working out, I was a milder person. It has been hard not to exercise while I have been recovering for the surgery, but I just got the okay from the Dr and am thrilled to sweat again.

Nature calms me but I have a hard time dropping everything and hitting the forest when I need to.

I sing. If I do not have a song in my heart or a tune in my mind something is bothering me.

Sometimes talking about it helps. Sometimes not, so I am careful with this one.

I have been taught breathing methods that work a bit, imagining I am in another more peaceful, warm place has worked hahha, sometimes putting on music or shaking up our routine helps and that is one everyone likes.

Sherry lovin' a diapered, shirtless Wils