Friday, December 14, 2012

The Learning Robots Evolve Too Fast!

These babies are learning too fast and growing too big. I can't even keep the important documents and sharp knives far enough out of their reach on the counter. When you come over, don't forget to put the chair back in front of the door when you use the facilities, or Wilson will get in there and have a tea party with the toilet. When that happens, I have trouble looking at him or kissing him for a few days so please remember to close the seat and bar the door with the chair.

You have to keep the garbage on top of the oven, I know it makes it a little awkward when you want to cook, but trust me its better this way, unless you prefer cleaning up over and over.

Just because you put it up high doesn't mean it's safe. Zip it, lock it, whatever you gotta do.

After you feed the babies, it is advisable to leave them in their highchairs for a bit so you can clean up the floor. If you pull the babies out of their chairs first, then try to wash the floor they come walking through it and track rice, green beans, oatmeal everywhere. So, while they sit in their chairs looking down on you  and while you are on hands and knees scrubbing up their mess, they will start to throw their food at you, just remember Jesus had it worse. It's only humiliating if you let it be...

James fancies himself your best dishes helper. By helper I mean, he throws a fit if he can't push his stool up next to you and dump cupfuls of water down your legs while you wash all the dishes. Oh sure, he'll find a knife or two to wave around, maybe a glass to drop, but mostly you are doing all the work.

Keep the front door and the water dispenser locked. Wilson finds the water dispenser on the fridge indispensable. He fills his cup up, pours it out on the floor, admires his new skating rink and determines that it needs more water. I beg you, don't forget to lock it, I hate the sound of that dispenser on because it's either Wilson, or someone that is going to forget to lock it, then it will be Wilson!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Weakest Link

I imagined, when I first went to feed ducks with my children that it would be a relaxing, pleasant way to spend an afternoon. In jaw clenching frustration, I watched the popular ducks picking on a lonely goth looking duck til he bled.

I never enjoy feeding ducks, great way to get rid of stale bread but don't enjoy it.  They pick on each other, act territorial, bite and pull each others feathers out. The justice-o-meter in my soul wants to make it fair and safe for every duck in the pond. Oh yuck, them ducks ain't no better than us humans, what was I hoping for!

Since having the triplets, who are 20 months by the way, I find I have my own pond at home. Well, its more like a shark pool. As soon as the sharks see weakness they circle. Blocks, sippy cups or toy car in hand to clobber the weak member.
Today Claire, as she prefers now to be called, was giving Quinn a ride on the floor, bouncing her on her tummy. In walks Wilson, with a bucket over his head. (This is a 1 gallon bucket given to James because of his fetish with containers but beloved by all the babies. You can put stuff in it, it has a nice carrying handle and you can wear it as a head shield!) So Wilson takes the bucket off and accidentally drops it on CC, oops Claire, while she's laying on the floor. Claires crying, is the first proverbial drop of blood and the sharks need no more enticement than that to start circling, Wilson hits her again, all smiles, (where's your humanity?) James grabs a sippy cup and hits her and Quinny (who has just given her kisses) starts clocking her with a shoe. If I hadn't rescued Claires limp form from the floor she would be a bruised, unconscious mass even now.

Oddly, throughout the day the babies can tell who I am annoyed with, even if I am trying to hid it, who is getting sick, and who is being too whiney and they know to go after them, it's the strangest thing and it happens all the time. You cannot show weakness in this home. You cannot have a "tell". They will get you and drag you down to their same level of baby weirdness. Even now, I myself have a fat lip from a bungled pony ride attempt, but I was quick enough to climb onto the table with a broken broom handle for protection. I'm kidding. Well, I do have a fat lip...