Limo mom: Jessica

Our family has a hero. Jessica. Momma Jessica. She is Hazels birth mother and she came for a visit last week. I love her so much I asked if I could write about her. Jessica started writing us a few weeks after we lost baby Sam. I couldn't believe that she was really going to pick us. She asked us to come and visit her in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We drove to visit her, end of September. We met her and her mother Karine at the church. She was delightful. We took her and her sister Anna out to breakfast the next morning. I showed her some of the outfits I had bought for the baby girl. She especially loved a green one with butterflies.

When Jessica was in labor, Karine called us and told us to drive to Wyoming and that our baby was on the way. Sunday morning we drove to Jackson Hole not daring to believe this time it was for real. We kept all the tags on the baby girl clothes just in case. We didn't tell anyone. We called Monday morning to our places of employment and requested vacation time and maternity leave.

We walked into the hospital room where Jessica had Hazel on the bed. Jessica looked up. Nathans favorite memory is that Hazel actually looked up too. I loved her right away. My favorite feature that I loved was her nose. Then her chin. I loved all of her. The hospital gave us a room to sleep in and let us sleep with her. This was such a special time in our lives. When we had Hazel with us, we tried to give Jessica any time she wanted with Hazel before the papers were signed. At first we were going to call her Quinn. But Nathan felt she was a Hazel. We named her Hazel Dawn. Dawn is after Jessica, her middle name. And the beginning of a new day.

The Drs and nurses followed us around all day. I think they couldn't believe they were seeing something so special. Call it what you will but there is a special spirit to adoption, it is as though God approves and he is sharing that special feeling with everyone that comes in contact with it.

Jessicas friend Stormy was married and we took Haz to the reception to show her to her birth family. In the white jacket is Karine Jessica mom, Anna is to her right and various family members in back

Hazel maybe 8 months old and Momma Jess

We signed all the paperwork at the hospital in their empty little chapel on Tuesday morning, Jessica had 24hours to change her mind. I remember lots of hugs and crying during the signing. I couldn't believe Jessica or her mother Karine could be so brave. I can't even honor them enough for this.We took pictures but the pictures are lost due to a computer crash.

After the adoption, we were mandated to stay in the state until all the paperwork was approved and we could transport Hazel over state lines. We stayed in Afton, Wyoming birthplace to the famous Rulon Gardner, N8 kept telling me. My brother in law had an aunt with an empty apartment. We slept on the air mattress, Hazel in a laundry basket. The weather should have been cold for the end of October in Wyoming but it was an Indian summer and Hazel and I walked and walked, that was when I discovered wearing my baby by means of wrapping fabric strategically around both of our bodies. N8 had some work stuff so he was back and forth to Provo. I remember, walking to the grocery store, walking around the neighborhood, raking their leaves as an odd thank you for letting us stay there, eating at a Mexican Restaurant, but most of all I remember just holding Hazel and staring at her and wrapping her, unwrapping her and holding her. I was so glad to have had that blissful time alone with her. I couldn't believe I had a baby. It was about 3 days we were there before the paperwork was signed and we could come home. Jessica knew we were expecting CC and agreed to place with us anyway. We found out several weeks later that CC was a girl. I think Jess was just as excited as we were that CC was a girl, a playmate.

We were on the adoption list for about 2 years and we continued with infertility treatments as well. We lived off of N8s income. We saved mine and used it to pay for adoption and a few rounds of in vitro. When Jess picked us, a few days later we found out we had a legitimate pregnancy too. It almost broke my heart to tell Jess we were expecting. I thought she would find another mother. It was the biggest moment of honestly in my life. We told her we found out we were expecting and if she wanted she could look for another family, but we would still love to raise her daughter. She asked some hard questions, we replied, I remember telling her I wasn't supermom but I was going to do my very best, she thought about it for a few days and then said she would still go through with it. That was one of my best days ever.

I can't do Jessica justice, she means so much to us

Definitely Hazels nose

Hazel a few days old

Jessica is gonna kill me for posting this one. This is Jessica and her sister Anna at the breakfast. Jessica is 8 months along at this point and she is hardly showing.