Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the most drawn and haggard of them all?

Nathan and I had a special evening a few weeks ago. Our neighbor Jeff got 4 front row tickets from some of the big wigs at his work -to the Toronto Raptors vs. The Jazz at the ESA. At the last minute and amazingly, I found a few friends willing to look after the children for the night. Jeff once told me he would never take anyone to a Jazz game that didn't know the starting line up so I had stalwartly memorized it for just such an occasion. 

Included in the front row ticket was a dinner beforehand and during halftime, snack food. (I got a thing for nachos) We arrived at the ESA early for the Jazz 100 Club luxurious dinner. Lighting was low, mirrors dotted the walls all around us and delicate displays of food were laid out. It was amazing and most of it was gluten free so I could actually eat! There were shrimp cocktails, a seafood bar, roast beef, salmon, desserts, fruits, exotic cheeses, you name it. I was ready to stay up there and eat all night long but Jeff said we had to watch the game.

While I was mingling with guests and getting food, I looked around at all the patrons. They were the Jazz 100 Club members or knew someone that was. I looked at the women, some were wearing pearls and other were wearing jeans some were dressed like teenagers and some were distinguished. I wondered about what their lives were like, what sort of worries they had. I believe that what we live or how we live shows up in our eyes. I think that is how like, finds like. Sort of how birds of a feather find each other. I am not saying I can classify and label every person by a casual flip of the eyelid but sometimes you can get a feel for people.

I wonder if those people watched me as I watched them, what did they think of me? I tried to dress nice for the occasion. I felt fancy. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, I had a look on my eye, I looked haggard and tired as though I was running out of time or places to hid. It was as though I were hunted.

I was here to enjoy the game, taking a reprieve for the evening but come tomorrow morning, the hunt resumed again- with me as the prey, not keeping up, never enough, not on time, not getting it done fast enough or soon enough. This was my rest before I had to begin hiding from the hunter again. In the mirror, I didn't look rested and comfortable in my surroundings, I looked cagy and nervous. Yikes! Who is that lady staring back at me?

I know that they say that things get easier with the babies. Sometimes I feel I am churning with barely controlled nervous and energetic hysteria- you just can't keep that from the mirror. Will that pass too? Will I ever look at myself in the mirror at a public function to see myself as a distinguished and pleasant woman?

The evening progressed. It was lovely. Thanks to Jeff for shcmoozing with the big wigs and inviting us to a once in a lifetime.

Behind Bell, Amandas smiling face and the in the corner, my lovely mug- Look mom I was on TV!

Jeff and Nathan sing their hearts out to no avail, the Jazz up and quit on us

What a great evening