Counter Negative Self Talk

I rejoice in this family and I love it. I am so pleased that we have as many children as we do. I know I need to be at my best everyday. It drives my friends and neighbors crazy that I choose to go to bed early every night instead of the hanging out and chatting that I would dearly love to do. I have to have enough sleep. I am learning so many new things about myself I feel like having a largish family with children so small is warp speed learning and growing, very introspective at times. I hope I don't miss my many lessons and opportunities to become better. Here is something else that I am learning about myself.

I am learning to counter negative self talk during stressful moments. I feel like that type of talk, even though I try not to act out on it takes some of the happy energy out of me. Negative self talk usually is the sarcastic things I say to myself during a crisis moment. They give me bad vibes and I don't like them. When I hear myself saying them I try to add an "up statement" at the end of my negativity (Don't Google it, I made that phrase up).

I am in the kitchen, making 2 bottles. One hand is shaking while the other is screwing the lid on (a talent I have developed). Two hungry babies need me and I'm feeling the pressure, my hair may or may not be standing on end at this point. CC walks into the kitchen oblivious to crying babies, "Mom, can you tie this onto Elmo so he can be a superhero?" (Shows me what once was a clean folded dishtowel)

My first reaction is in my head is --oh and don't judge too harshly, "Really? Can't you see I am busy? Are you kidding me? I have a thousand other thing to do and you want me to help with Elmo?!"

I say, "CC let me get the babies fed and I will help you." Silently, I resent that I can't help her right away and that I feel like I am always telling her no. It weighs on me.

So all that negative talk has just bogged me down and took away some of my happy. To counter it,  I add my "up phrase" in my head, "Man, I am so glad that CC has such a good imagination. I am so proud of her play." This brings my happy feeling back and makes me more willing and less resentful to disruption.

"Man, I am so thrilled when my girls ask me for a wipe, I can hardly stand it. I especially love it while I am eating." This one makes me so happy, it sends me into conniptions.

Sweet Quinn, as lovely as she is active

Wilson and Quinn share the same expressive eyebrows, nose and brown eyes, check it out. 

Quinn ready for bed and getting a whisker rub from dad

Who can sleep like this?

N8 The Soccor Child

Nathan is in the top left corner not the coaches helper he is the smiley kid that looks like hes got something on you, with blond Harry Potter hair and skinny legs. I thought you would want to see what he looked like as a child.

The Cherry Picker Baby Update-It's Yoga!

In basketball, there is term I am reassigning to our babies. I often call one or more of them cherry pickers. A cherry picker camps out by the basket waiting for a long pass, so they can score before the other team sets up.Usually Wilson is a cherry picker, and the other cherry picker switches between James and Quinny. One of the babies will cry for all of the babies. It is as if they say to themselves, it is your turn this morning Quinn, you have to call the food in here. Once in a while I will walk in and feed only the baby that is crying and the other two set up a raucous. It is an interesting social experiment. But we shouldn't always experiment on our children or they will turn out like me and my siblings, thanks dad. Here are babies photos and a progress report: Quinn, growing lovely and vocal. She has 5 teeth coming in, army crawls, gets up to crawl position, sits on her own, plays with toys, eats finger foods, loves games and playing, is starting to be afraid of strangers- super pleasant The smartest lil' cherry picker I know. Wilson is rolling over and has no desire to crawl. Is so curious about what everyone is doing, he likes to look at his hands and play with toys. He loves being held and sitting on the floor and I suspect he is going to be another scooter like CC was, so I don't sit him up very often, he is mellow and smiles even when it is his turn to yell for a bottle It is time you learn Jamies passion in life. Sky diving and push-ups. Oh I should tell you he likes looking at books too but when he is on his own, all he does is sky dive and do push ups. He is also crazy about yoga He will lay for long periods of time in the zone, he freefalls with his arms out, then rests for a while on his hands, and freefalls again, he has another trick too -see next pic Babies are milling about, watch James in the background He is so close to doing a somersault. Shouldn't you learn to crawl first? His yoga pose is downward facing dog and he does this all the time. Such a strange passion for one so young. It used to look like he was pile driving the ground but his form is really coming along nicely

Eye of the Storm

My sister Leah has a great big wonderful Mormon family with 7 children. She lives in Idaho. She has a mantra she shares with me and I use it. "I am the calm in the eye of the storm."

I can imagine 2 boys wrestling on the floor, someone practicing the piano, someone looking for a buddy to play catch with, one is sick on the couch, one is playing dolls, everyone is hungry, dinner needs to be made, laundry is piling up, dog needs to be feed. There she is sitting on her bed nursing the baby reciting, I am the calm in the eye of the storm. She is a wonderful mother and she has everything under control in amazing ways, but somehow I can't help thinking she is getting just what she deserves. She probably thinks the same thing about me.
I love her and we are close, our whole family is, oh and we are adding one more, Mikell on March 16th, she is brave enough to marry my little brother, that completes the in -laws and I couldn't be happier. Geez, who knows what we all could have married? Hazel and CC took to calling her Miss. Mikell while they were dating, maybe we they will call her Mrs. Mikell when she marries Spence. Now I just have to hold my breath to see who Jennifer, Johnathan and Rob bring home onN8s side. Oh well, may we all get along and love each other.

Oh back to Leahs mantra. I have one too. Even though this is a challenge, I will continue. Sometimes I change it to say, Even though I am tired, I will continue. Or sometime I make a joke of it, Even though I feel like a clumsy ox, I will continue. It sort of resets my focus and helps me keep going til N8 gets home. Ahhhh, that glorious time when I hear the front door open.

Cinderella for 27 cents

CC found some change on my dresser and asked if she could have it. CC never brags but she is always so satisfied, satisfied as a cat with whatever she is given, it makes Hazel crazy. Perhaps Hazel is looking for that type of satisfaction and she thinks it will come in whatever CC likes. Hazel must learn she won't get it in things, her sense of joy, as far as I can tell comes in thrills (scary for a mom), activity and accomplishment, she needs to learn she won't get it in accumulating stuff. That's just my girls and they are different.

So CC is walking around pleased as punch with her moneys and Hazel decides she wants them. She calculates her stratagem,  "Mom, you didn't give me any money. You are not being fair. You should give me some money." I don't cave to that kind of pressure. "Hazel, sometimes I give you things I don't give CC, so right now it is her turn to have something nice from me. Remember, I gave you binoculars and CC didn't get anything." Moms don't need to be even but they should be fair.

This is how it ended up. Last year, I bought Hazel a Cinderella figurine for Christmas. She doesn't play with it much but CC loves it. CC bought that doll from Hazel with her 27 cents and both of them were happy as could be. I didn't figure it out for them, they did. Holy cow, I was so pleased at how they resolved this conflict. Wow, wow, wow. Good job girls!

The Cinderella doll, Quinn likes it too, she must taste good, maybe CC can sell it to Quinn next.

Sinking Ship

I have a new sign on my board, Save the Girls First, Babies Second, Oh and do the Laundry.This is because there will always be a baby to feed, but I am losing my girls if I think I can keep putting them off and off any longer. And if I lose the older ones, my leaders, the younger ones may be lost eventually even though I have put more time into them. Doomy and gloomy, I know but not that bad really.

My older children are the leaders, if I take care of their needs, they will show love and concern for the younger ones. If I am always putting them off, getting to them later or whatever, their response will be resentment and discord in our family. I will show them they are loved and nourish them, even if it means a baby has to learn patience. Hopefully, I can manage the balance of caring for everyone equally but if there is a need, I am going to start choosing Hazel and CC first. The babies are 8 months old now, they can learn patience and they are defiantly not starving to death, Hazel and CC need mom time too.

Hazel has a word that she hates. "Nevertheless". It sends her up the wall. Because it boxes her in and she wants to call the shots. Oh and she hates, "However" too. Same thing.

Mom: Hazel please eat your dinner.
Hazel: Your food is yucky and I won't eat it. (She is getting really good at sticking her nose in the air after these statements, I wish she wouldn't say everything that pops into her head...)
Mom: (In a firm voice) Nevertheless, this is our dinner, if you choose not to eat it, there is no other option.

Nevertheless, nevertheless, nevertheless, nevertheless! Ha! It sends her around the bend, she goes berserk. (Revenge is only a little sweet) But she is beginning to realize I mean business when I use this word.

There, I Said It

I am not going to apologize for it. I struggle with anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety off and on since the babies were born. I went to the Dr and they gave me a prescription for anxiety medication (super easy to get if you have triplets). I didn't feel totally good about taking it yet. I wasn't at the end of my rope, I think there is a quarter of an inch I am hanging to... I decided to look into counseling as a learning method to deal with it. It is not the easy way. I think the easy way for me would be to take the pill and sink into robot mode and get through it. But I want this. I want all of it, even the bad, so I am not going to turn it off. Not yet anyway.

I wanted to know how to calm myself and to identify  triggers before they become a blow up. I want to share with you some of the things I have been taught. I did this because I was looking at medicine as a last solution. If I felt like I was a danger to my family or out of control believe me I would do it, but I want to figure it out first.

When we see a bear, we feel threatened, our adrenal glands kick in and we go into fighting mode. I had been in fighting mode for far too long but I didn't know why. Who was threatening me? No one was holding a gun to my head telling me to do. Why was I threatened? It took a while for me to figure it out. I am threatening myself. Here are the things in my house that threaten me and send me into fighting mode:

When my peace is threatened, for example, when something I am looking forward to is in jeopardy like a nap or being alone for a while, when I have a list a mile long to do, my children threaten that I won't be able to complete it or I just want to be left alone to complete it, when I am worried about something or someone, when I feel sick and I do not recognize it (sometimes I get busy and I don't evaluate how I feel until it is too late, headache or tired stuff). Most of these threats come because I feel driven to accomplish or do things and I become frustrated when I can't get out under a pile of work to do them.

So, when I am in fighting mode, or having anxiety how do I get myself out?

I hold someone. Just having loving contact and being loved for a few minutes has brought me out of it. One rough day, I held James (he is my best baby hugger) and he put his cheek on mine soft skin and a floppy ear brushed my lips as we sat and hugged til I calmed myself down. One day, I let Hazel and CC crawl all over me and have a tickle fight for several minutes, after that it was gone.

I exercise, as a child, my parents kept me exercising because they saw that when I was working out, I was a milder person. It has been hard not to exercise while I have been recovering for the surgery, but I just got the okay from the Dr and am thrilled to sweat again.

Nature calms me but I have a hard time dropping everything and hitting the forest when I need to.

I sing. If I do not have a song in my heart or a tune in my mind something is bothering me.

Sometimes talking about it helps. Sometimes not, so I am careful with this one.

I have been taught breathing methods that work a bit, imagining I am in another more peaceful, warm place has worked hahha, sometimes putting on music or shaking up our routine helps and that is one everyone likes.

Sherry lovin' a diapered, shirtless Wils