Polka Dots are Therapeutic By: Claire Murray

First band concert EVER!!!! (And my friend Caitlyn)

Hi. I am Claire, I am 11 years old now. Turning twelve in a month. Today, at a ceramics painting place called "Hands On'', I found out that dotting ceramics is extremely therapeutic!
I have a lot on my mind these days. I now go to Middle School AND am in the young womans program at my church. To make life more exciting, I play the trumpet in the hardest class of all, 6th grade band (my friend Gracie  Robson is in 6th grade orchestra and she says it is equally as hard.)

In our family right now, James is learning the guitar. Hazel has found her love for my ukulele. I feel bad for my mom having to listen to me play the trumpet and piano, but she says she loves it. I enjoy music. Anyway, at Hands On, my mom and I were working together dotting a ceramic puffer fish and we did not realize how many dots we had done. We both found it fabulously addicting and therapeutic. We couldn't even stop dotting when our common sense said we had enough dots! One more...one more!! I am worried how it will turn out.

 So I was thinking of other things in my life that help me be relaxed and calm down: Here are some other ways to cool down.

1. Writing stories, I am working on a story I call the ''The Mystery Train''
2. Art ( may I recommend dotting ........ahhh stop it.....I can't.... )
3. Go to the temple, I can finally go, it is so relaxing
4. Go running, I did cross country and hated to love it and I want to do track
5. Listen to or play music
6. Laugh
7. Read, I recommend Harry Potter or the Candy Shop Wars book 1 and 2 by  Brandon Mull also The Janitors by Tyler Whiteside
8. Origami or paper airplanes, I love paper air planes 
9. There isn't much that feels better than serving people
10. Make popcorn and eat it all. Muah ah ah ah!!!

Addicted to Dots, Mr Pox

Hazels Deer Cow/ Cow Deer 

Quinn and her super happy money bear

James creating a mug to "Strike fear in the heart of every man"

I can't stop! Someone stop me! Help! 

Why I served a Mormon Mission

I was raised in a good family and I had always gone to church. I had studied the scriptures from a young age and felt that they had been instrumental in saving me from diving off the teenage cliffs of experimentation, rebellion and regret. I wanted to do something to thank my heavenly father for being such a strong influence in my life. I also wanted to explore the world and help others. I could have done a stint as a peace corp volunteer but as I said I wanted to give that time to God and see what happened with it. It turns out if you give your time/life to God, he repays you over and over, opens the windows of heaven and blesses you in your life more than you could have earned on your own. 

I also solidified a testimony of Jesus Christ and repentance. My belief in God and Jesus Christ is one of the single most guiding aspects in my life and it is one of my treasured possessions. I learned that the Joseph Smith story, the word of wisdom and chastity before marriage were just crazy talk to people and I understood their viewpoint, but I didn't share it, because I've been blessed by too many times by living them and believing it. I became fearless knocking on doors and visiting in homes that were unknown, I built social skills and learn discipline that I still use everyday, I learned to care for people the world had forgotten, I brought hope, I served anyone and everyone. SO If you have Mormon Missionaries beating down your door, put them to work, they love it and they work hard. But what they really love, is talking about Jesus Christ and the plan of salvation. You will realize that having mormons around is a bit like having a lucky cricket. Things just go better. 

Life Without Provo.

I was forgotten. I mean I had forgotten myself. Fair enough. It's been a busy few years. But before then it was a grief stricken few years, before that we were newlyweds and before that we were friends. I was reading a journal entry from 3 years ago, it went something like this.

Me:You haven't forgotten who I am right?You haven't forgotten how I used to be, before, before we had kids right?
Nate: I dunno
Me: You mean that I used to be fun and laugh all the time and carefree? You don't remember me, do you?
Nate: (nervous chuckle) haha, Ohh Sherry, we'll see. (silence).

Ouch. I am back to report improvement. I resurrect this blog to tell you I figured out that it was high time I got out of Provo. I needed to be shaken up. Oh, I miss it alright and I miss friends and stores there everyday. But it's slower here. People don't speed up when you start to cross the road, if you know what I mean. (Yes, you do.)

As a teenager my friend Lillie and I found a quote we liked and for the life of me I can't find it but it goes like this. I've been draw like a moth to a flame to people that were more interesting and wise than I. I stayed close to them, certain that if I hung around them long enough I too, would become like them. Something like that. I have always been fascinated with good wise people. Met tons in Provo, loved 'em all. Maybe it's because we didn't know Twin Falls at all before moving here, it's all so new and starting over refreshes the palette.

I'm super humbled to be here. I have met so many good people since the move. People that easily outshine any goodness I thought I possessed. So I am here to rub up with some fuzzy moth wings and maybe I can fly too. I laugh more here.

This picture is made all the more gruesome because I am smiling. My face and the floor maybe don't need to come in contact for a while.

Singing Carols by Candlelight every Sunday night in December. A tradition taught to us by the Wardell family.

Embracing Dainty

When I was little, I remember sitting on the school bus, staring out the window waiting for a set of twins to come out of their house for school. Alice and Jonathan (he did gymnastics, that's all I remember about him). Everyday, Alice would come out wearing a skirt.  I remember questioning her about it. You wouldn't catch me dead wearing a skirt and certainly not in Canada, still don't care for Sunday dress but I do it to honor God. I now have two little girls just like Alice.

The other day I was searching for a new birthday shirt for Claire, I asked the sales woman to show me some of the clothes that don't make little girls look like street trash (I didn't really say that but I wanted to). She asked me what her style was. Her style is whatever I buy her, I thought. I reflected as I rummaged, Claire is dainty, feminine, cheery and floral. She loves skirts and dresses, she loves those non-supportive ballet shoes. She has distain for the khakis or black jeans I have bought in the past, in favor of light blue jeans with running horses on them, she drowns in heavy dark clothes and would prefer to wear mostly skirts. Know all that, I still have trouble wrapping my head around it and need to bite the bullet and buy more skirts. When I was little, I was like Hazel in many ways only she is way cuter than I was. She is fierce and fun. She loves the camo, studded and dark rocker colors- the perfect girl for boyfriend style jeans and a pair of converse.

Quinn and Claire are embracing their girly side in a way that I never could have predicted from my offspring. I'm glad they value their femininity, I'm just not a huge fan when Wilson tries it! When I asked Quinn what she wanted for her birthday she simply said, a pink dress. It reached my cold heart and warmed it. I stormed the store and found the froo-frooiest (machine washable, sturdiest- sorry I gotta be practical) pink dress I could find. And I expect it will take a beating everyday this summer.

Tooting Horns

Yesterday, I pressure canned 60lbs of chicken, primed and painted the boys room including molding, cleaned up the canning and painting messes, put it all away, tidied and did the dishes and I was still less tired than I am on a normal day of being a mom day. Just sayin'.

Thanks to my tireless Nathan for taking full charge of the children and doing a good job of it.
Doing something without interruption is really great for my psyche, I smiled all the way through church today and it was a real smile all they way down to my heart.

Hey! Is this the real me? I like myself! I'm fun and happy! Now how not to lose myself again. Here is what I did this week to help myself out of a funk.

I admitted to a friend I was having a hard time. She listened to me and several days later brought me a most thoughtful, unexpected gift.
I made a list of people to serve and started working on it.
I started taking a watercolor painting class.
I made a list of things I wanted to do around the house and got working on them.
Made a list of things I was looking forward to and started planning.
Got outside.
Did yoga.
Nate gave me big breaks from the kids.
I gave up on potty training James. (That might be the most helpful one!)
Prayed and read the scriptures.

Feeing grateful and humble. Over and out.

Mediation or Sleep

Lately, things have been gray. I know I am struggling too hard when I want to feel happy, I am doing everything right but all I feel is nothing. Nothing and bursts of anger when things don't line up like I want them to.
We were at the Temple the other night doing sealings. I wanted to be into it. The spirit was there, the people were friendly but I felt as though I was viewing them from a distance. Like it was a parade passing in front of me. I wanted to wink at Nate across the alter but it felt forced and fake. I am stuck in my head. This is not good. It may not even be anything that can be solved by a good night out with dear friends.

 I was ready for church this morning and I just got so tired of pushing, convincing everyone to let me do their hair, wear tights, matching shoes, eat breakfast, be nice, go out so I could get ready... lately especially today, I have seen the facade of kindness slipping even further off my face. Instead of asking nicely, I am barking orders, short and concise. GET OUT. MOVE or I will kick your bum. Who am I? I'm not that bully mom. The ugly one that growls at her children and they in turn learn to growl at each other. All I can say is that there is nothing left. I am empty. What can recharge me more? Sleep or meditation. Right before we left for church James had an accident, I kicked off my shoes to help him get changed. Kicked a hole in the ceiling. I wasn't gentle enough- maybe I put a little too much pent up energy into it. I sat on the side of the tub and balled.

Nathan came in and gave me a gift, to stay home from church. So here I am desperate to recharge to be the person I know I am. But I have to write these feelings out, this is part of my getting over it. Here is my plan. Tidy the kitchen and read until my wet mascara tears dry. Then rest and dream of who I am, pray for help to recover from the evil that has taken over my heart and my mouth. Reconnect the synaspsis of my brain that are essencially downed electrical wires flying around damaging what is left of my human decency. I think I will go read poetry for a bit. Where is my sense of humor? It has always buoyed me up.

Latest and Greatest, Murray News

Nathan: Remember when you used to write on your blog every Sunday night?

Ahhh, the good ol' days. Back when it was really easy.

Only I didn't know it and I didn't think so at the time. How do you get on top of things so that the good ol' days are the ones you are living in, and not the ones you look back on?

I think my kids need a new car.  The other day my friend Sylvia overheard Claire say to Hazel in all seriousness, 'Can you imagine someone driving to Boise in a car this small?', she drives a Durango. You mean, where you can't just lay out all over the seat and fall asleep Claire? Yah, millions of kids have to endure such a hardship.

So the time has come to sell the limo, it is old enough that it's probably not worth fixing for us anymore, it still runs fine but the little things are starting to add up. So if you know anyone that wants a limo cheapish, say 3 Grand. Lemme know. She has a few good years left in her and could make some high school kid very, very popular.

Whatever we get is gonna feel like a tin can compared to the limo. I will always and forever miss the privacy screen. Goodbye crying child. Goodbye bickering. We will unroll the window when you have fallen asleep or worked it out together.

I didn't much care for dropping my kids off at school with all the tiny cars tearing around me, trying to cut me off, big limo, tight spaces, tons of cars. Ugg.

So what carries 8 people, a minibus? Maybe.

 Ghosty

Vanellope Von Sweetz one of our
 favorite disney characters

Battle zone, overwhelmed, anxiety, constant onslaught, never can sit down, so many to-dos that I find I hide myself in the work, sometimes it's not funny, sometimes nothing is funny, and sometimes the sun shines just right and well, it is. I've come up for air.

Since we started putting everyone on gluten free at our house, and there are tons of gluten free goodies around, I have gained back the hard fought fifteen pounds I lost last spring. Sigh, back to the bottom of the heap again. But I love our new recreation center and I love exercise so I'll figure it out.  Hazel is miserable, she makes no bones about that fact that gf food is not as good as "glutinous" food. Sorry sis. If I only had your discipline in refusing food based on minute scrutiny, subpar texture or slight flavor variations.

Nathan is working on his masters, he will be, for the next few years, taking one class at a time in Community and Economic Development.  He's enjoying this semesters class and I hope he goes on loving it.

Mom and Dad are really moving to Boise, the house they are renting sells on the 14th of December. It is good for them but we will miss them like I can't even say.

I hope your heart can be filled with joy and gratitude this week. I will be focusing on it too. I can say that Heavenly Father does love each of us. He takes an active interest in our lives. I hope you get plenty of time to pray and feel peace. If you don't have the time or presence of mind to pray- pray for just that! I know for myself that it works.

Can someone tell me why I bring a stroller? Right, so I can take the pictures